Healing Into a Lotus

I hope one day, I can muster up the courage to forgive you

To let the muddy water, pour out of me

I can only hope right now.

Because wow, I am angry and hurt.

I was a beautiful, innocent child.

I was your responsibility.

Not a burden.

You had the duty

The opportunity to show me how I should be loved and treated.

You had the duty to show me. But you failed…

Trust me, I don’t understand any more than you.

Why did I fall into this unethical bear trap?

The only one of five children in your toxic care that did

I spend years, relationship after relationship, getting more and more hurt.

Getting filled with more muddy water.

I rode in your toxic wavelength.

Got so sea- sick, but didn’t know how to step out.

I almost lost my life because of your piss poor example.

I starved myself of food and love.

I was violated, left for dead, suffocated with no sun.

I shot my harm out of the thick black sludge that was engulfing me.

But no one was there to take my hand.

Never will I ever have another relationship like yours.

I’ll be damned.

I will be walking myself down the aisle on my stunning wedding day.

After all this pain and heartache,

I deserve to give myself away to the new love of my life.

To let him have my new heart that I’ve worked so hard to heal. 

My new wild, creative spirit.

 My new body filled with fresh rosewater.

He can blow out the fire in my heart just by being in his presence.

I’m in my own garden now. In a new pond, I created my home.

Like a gorgeous lotus, I’m growing out of muddy water.