I had a weird conversation with one of my loved ones yesterday. Long story short, I felt weird after. I didn’t get what I felt I needed from the conversation. I ended up feeling robbed in the end.
Huh? What happened?
That’s when I realized this morning that I needed validation. I was looking for her to tell me that I was doing the right thing: to get out of a relationship I wasn’t happy in. Also, to tell me “Good job. You are so strong for leaving a job that caused you crippling anxiety.”
^^^^^^^^^^^^Guess what I didn’t get from that conversation. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
It is a fact of life that we are all doing the best we can. She didn’t know what I wanted or needed to hear. But, I did. So, why don’t I validate myself?
Truth is: I recently broke up with my boyfriend, quit my job, and have been experiencing some mental and physical health issues. In simple words “ Yeah, I’m fucking scared.”
I have been noticing that I have been leaning too much on friends and family to make me happy at this time of my life. Telling them the sob story that I believe about myself. The fact that I’m in too much pain to work, too anxious to continue school, too broken to keep my head up above water.
I don’t feel you have to believe every day that you are going to punch the world in the face. It’s okay to have sad days too. Anything society says about that not being okay is bull shit.
Sometimes, get your head above water just enough that your nose skims the surface. It is just a simple neck move (looking up) to be able to breathe.
Now, here are a few things I have been thinking about on how to validate yourself:
- Are you happy? If so, that’s great. If not, only you know how to make yourself happy.
- Is something inside you alive that wasn’t before? You probably are on the right path.
- What is something you have done that you are so fucking proud of? Realize that you fucking did that. No one else.
- Do you think you are enough? Of course, you are! You are a badass!
- Journal about it. If you are at peace with your decisions in life, why are you looking elsewhere?
- Are you saying “should”? If so, please drop that shit from your vocab. “Should” to me is the ultimate self-hatred word. Telling yourself, “I should go to the gym.” “I should do this.” “I should do that.” How does this thinking help you? Blah. In my past therapy groups, we weren’t allowed to say “should.” Dump it and see how you feel after.
- Are you taking the time to recognize how you feel and why? Tell yourself it is okay. It is okay to be mad, angry, depressed, sad, scared, etc. Emotions are there for a reason. Listen to them. Love yourself for having them.
- Finally, realize that you have everything you need inside of you. No need to go outward, see what is inside you and communicate with that. You got this. Look up and trust the process.
Hope this helps! Namaste!